Knowing What You Want in a Woman
One of the best things you can do to attract the woman you want…is to know what you want.
Do you know what you want?
Most guys have very little idea of what kind of woman would perfectly enhance their life. Even more surprisingly, guys often have little idea of what qualities simply attract them. They are simply happy to have a woman—any woman—spending time with them.
If you are new to the dating scene…or if you’ve been at it for a while…there is nothing that will help you more than sitting down and giving some serious thought to exactly what qualities you like in a woman.
Make a list. Really…get out a piece of paper and start writing. Make a list of all the qualities you’d like to see in your ideal woman. If you keep a journal, that’s the perfect place to do this exercise.
Jot down every trait you find desirable, physical and non-physical. If you like blondes, write it down. If you value intelligence in a woman, write it down. You cannot be too specific, here. Writing things down will solidify them in the back of your mind and help you home in on the woman who will enhance your life in every way.
When I made my list a couple years ago, it filled an entire page. Among my most desired attributes were intelligence, a sense of humor, open-hearted and open-minded, blonde, 5’8″, great legs, few or no tattoos (creepy tats being a deal-breaker), great skin, a killer sense of style, feminine, non-judgmental, spiritual, creative. While making the list, I discovered things I was attracted to that I’d never consciously thought of before, like having a sexy Cindy Crawford-style mole or two on her face.
It’s a good idea for you to identify which qualities you feel are absolute must-haves, versus the ones that are simply preferences.
For example, intelligence for me is absolutely non-negotiable. I simply must have a woman that I can meet on a level intellectual playing field. In fact, I’d totally get off on a woman that’s even smarter than me.
On the other hand…blondes. I think we can all agree they’re certainly hot…but for me, being blonde is simply a preference. Dark hair is not a deal-breaker for me.
As you date different women, you’ll very likely find that your list evolves. There may be things you felt were important to you last year, that matter little (or not at all) today. And conversely, there may be qualities you hadn’t even thought of when you made the list, that you suddenly discover are very important to you. One of the things I later added to my own list was that I wanted a woman who has a good relationship with her father.
As a matter of fact, if you are inexperienced in the dating arena…whether it’s because you’re young, or say, newly single after a divorce…you should date different women. As many as possible. Jump start this evolution I just mentioned by “sampling from the buffet” before limiting yourself to preconceived notions…but don’t let that stop you from doing this exercise, either. I’m going to talk more about this in a future post.
Once you’re done with your list, you can pull it out and review it from time to time…but much of the benefit is gained by simply doing the initial exercise of writing the list down, even if you seldom consciously return to it. You’ll find that gradually—very much like using affirmations—your list is embedded in your subconscious, and guides your interactions with women and your decisions regarding them.
In keeping with the idea of affirmations, my opinion is that it’s best to keep the qualities on your list defined in positive terms, i.e., rather than saying something negative like “not overweight” use wording like “athletic” or “has a healthy body image”. Describe what you want, not what you don’t want.
Reasons why this exercise is important…
As I said in the beginning…most guys have given little conscious thought to what type of woman would satisfy them. This is a dangerous position to be in, because it means you are not directing your life in this area. It means that rather than taking control, you are letting life control you. Don’t be “most guys”. You need a map to get where you want to go, even if you need to refine the map as you follow it.
Perhaps even more profoundly, to not have an active understanding of the type of woman you want means you have no standards. If you’ll take a woman into your life simply because she happens to be a female human, that means you are desperate. That’s the very definition of desperate. Women can smell desperation like a wolf can smell fear.
While desperation is a turn-off to women, on the other hand, every woman enjoys being valued for her unique qualities. Every woman wants to feel special and one-of-a-kind. When meeting women, you can simply be curious about her, and rather than feeling like you see her as “just another female”, she’ll understand that you are selective. You’ll be able to place yourself in the rare position of sincerely wanting to explore her personality. If you meet a woman who matches your ideals, you’ll automatically be giving her the gift of feeling uniquely valued. Women are attracted to you in large part because of how they feel when they are with you. When they feel unique and special around you, they will want to be around you.
