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A few posts back, I promised to talk about the essential qualities of femininity…so here goes.
Many different schools of thought have tackled the question of “what are masculine and feminine?”, and I’ve compiled this list of words for you from quite a few different sources, from the writings of David Deida to Taoist philosophy.
Read this list over and see if you can get a feel for the common thread that all these words describe. It’s important to remember one basic point: masculine and feminine are not opposites…they are complements. Neither is “better” or more “important”…they are simply different and equally valid ways of relating to and experiencing the world.
Masculine…..Feminine
Rational…..Emotional
Logic…..Intuition
Unchanging…..Changing
Stillness…..Motion
Yang…..Yin
Consciousness…..Radiance
Penetrative…..Receptive
Emptiness…..Fullness
Detachment…..Embrace
Nothingness…..All
Oneness…..Many
Solitude…..Togetherness
Letting go…..Relating/Completion
Freedom…..Connection
Agency…..Communion
The Perceiver…..The Perceived
Eros…..Agape
Presence…..Surrender
Yeah, I know…some of these terms are pretty abstract. But they all describe essentially the same thing…the same paired concepts that can hardly be said to exist independently of each other. (That’s why I’ll often use the well-known but little-understood Taoist words “yang” and “yin” instead of “masculine” and “feminine”, because they encompass so much more than what’s in your pants.)
As a whole, masculinity embodies a cut-and-dried, solid, you-are-what-you-are way of being…whereas femininity “goes with the flow”, naturally reflecting what is happening in the moment. That’s why men can so easily perceive women to be fickle, overly emotional, and irrational…and then come to the natural conclusion that she’s (cue jazz hands)….”craaaaa-zeeeeeeee!”
The point is not that she doesn’t make sense, because she most certainly doesn’t, strictly from the point of view of the masculine comprehension. But remember…by contrast, the masculine way of looking at things and dealing with the world can (in a woman’s eyes) brand a guy stubborn, insensitive, and uncaring.
The point really is that from the larger perspective, neither way of looking at things is ideal in all circumstances. And, perhaps more importantly, both ways complement each other. There are gifts for you somewhere inside that’s woman’s craziness.
So…think about that. Read that list a couple or a dozen times. Wrap your brain around what it means for you to be “a guy”…and what it means for a woman to be in contrast with that. I’ll go into this next time in Part 2, when I’ll talk more about those crazy gifts and how to unwrap them.
We can’t be afraid anymore. And that’s the real downfall of the American male. They’re afraid of everybody. They’re afraid of foreigners; they’re afraid of women; they’re afraid of losing; they’re afraid that they can’t fall asleep at night; they’re afraid that they can’t get it up. That’s the downfall, that’s the underlying cause of the decline: fear.
When we let go of that fear, things will change. The fear is what stops us from being men. Because men should not be afraid. Aggression is a symptom of fear. Men don’t need to be so aggressive. They’re supposed to be heroes and fathers and do great things. And this is not what men are doing anymore—they’re playing video games and getting fat on hot dogs. The women are moving ahead. And if they can’t do it with men, they’ll do it on their own. We need to make this world better. Men want to be heroes and if we don’t make men heroes, we’re only hurting ourselves.
—Kenneth Willardt, fashion photographer, in The Decline of Men, by Guy Garcia
This song by Gypsy Soul asks some profound questions about life and how you live it. All of these questions boil down to: how can you engage life now, such that you will leave the kind of legacy you desire? Are you living now the way you’d like to be remembered?
Ever since I first heard it a couple years ago, the haunting words and melody pop into my head every few days, compelling me to reflect upon how I might answer these questions:
Do I give enough? Do I love enough? Do I live enough?
Did I ever give up on anyone I shouldn’t have?
Do I risk enough? Do I forgive enough? Do I trust enough?
Am I good enough?
I don’t approach these questions as a test of my personal adequacy…because I know I’m always growing, and so in that respect, I know I’m fine just the way I am.
Rather, I use these questions as a measure of how well I’m following my compass. If I’m always asking myself questions like these, I know I’m pointed in the right direction.
Katie Freiling is a blogger who writes about personal development and online marketing. In this video, she sums up her recent personal transformation odyssey to Hawaii, shows us the killer beachfront pad where she spent her days, and speaks about her topic of the day—awareness—the real key to personal transformation and self-mastery. The mind (and our thoughts and emotions which are the fuel that drives it along) is such a powerful tool, we frequently mistake it for all we are. The very realization that the mind is just a tool leads us to the realization that, from moment to moment, we can choose how to use that tool. The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. Watch the video to see what Katie’s got to say, it’s awesome.
You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour. Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.It is time to speak your Truth. Create your community. And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time.
There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold onto the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the River.
Keep our eyes open and our head above the water.
See who is there with you and celebrate.
At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves.
Banish the word “struggle” from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
— The Elders of the Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona
I want to talk about a word that tends to get a lot of mixed initial reactions from guys, especially those who are single and dating…because the original underlying meaning has been lost and obscured with empty cultural trappings.
Bear with me, here…these thoughts are kind of vague and random, but I am going somewhere, honest.
I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the word “husband”…and it’s become a really important key to understanding relationships for me. Now, for this discussion, put out of your mind all ideas of marriage and traditionality, here. Personally, I’d love to be married again someday…but believe me, I’m not the guy to offhandedly support traditional relationship structures. I’m not talking about getting hitched and putting up a white picket fence…I’m talking about basic fundamental aspects of how men and women relate, aspects that I truly feel are mostly lost in today’s society. read more…
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”
—George Bernard Shaw
So…what’s so great about young women?
As guys reach my age range (42, if you must know) it’s not uncommon for them to be attracted to younger women, especially if he’s newly single due to divorce. Of course, it’s pretty common in general for the man to be older than the woman. There are plenty of reasons for this, and while some of those reasons make some sense, a lot of them are very narrow of vision.
A few weeks ago, I advised a 41-year-old recently divorced man who described how he was only attracted to younger women. He found young women fresh and exhilarating, with bright and curious minds…and he found the look of admiration in their eyes rejuvenating. And of course, they have toned figures, flawless skin and gravity-defying breasts.
By contrast, women his own age were completely unattractive to him…he said they all have grey attitudes, are bitter and jaded (especially the still-single ones)…and that they’ve lost their femininity.
I pointed out to him that you see what you choose to see. read more…
“It’s a very funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”
—William Somerset Maugham
One of the best things you can do to attract the woman you want…is to know what you want.
Do you know what you want?
Most guys have very little idea of what kind of woman would perfectly enhance their life. Even more surprisingly, guys often have little idea of what qualities simply attract them. They are simply happy to have a woman—any woman—spending time with them.
If you are new to the dating scene…or if you’ve been at it for a while…there is nothing that will help you more than sitting down and giving some serious thought to exactly what qualities you like in a woman. read more…